A Welcome That Humbled My Heart

I would never have expected such a warm and excited welcome back from the school yesterday. I arrived here just in time to visit my classroom before the end of the day. My moms gathered together food from my favorite restaurant here, dessert, fruit, and flowers!!I have not had to cook for 2 nights because there was so much food!! Also, my kids almost knocked me down when they saw me, and they have all had questions that are so innocent and sweet: "Did your sister really die?" "Is Catherine in heaven now?" They all truly cared, and wanted to hear it from MY mouth.

Last night brought tears and sadness that have not come since Catherine died. I believe my whole family is experiencing the same thing I am: REALITY. Being back here where I have my normal responsibilities of a wife, teacher, and home-keeper, reminded me that it really happened. My sister is really not going to be in MS when I get back. Yesterday was the first time to leave the country knowing that I will not be coming back for an emergency for my sister. In three more weeks, I will be going back to the States, and knowing for the first time that I will not arrive to see Catherine in Tchula or Jackson. I can only explain the feeling this way- it hurts. My heart hurts even as I write this, because I desperately want to "wake up from this nightmare."

God's will is perfect, and I believe that with all my heart. However, with our fallible human minds and hearts, we naturally think about the things that we will miss out on or they will miss out on because they are not here. It is hard to not think about those things. It is so difficult to deal with the pain, but thankfully we are not alone as believers. Our ONLY comfort and joy is Jesus Christ, and without Him we have no hope. I am constantly reminded of the joy that my family and I can have as believers knowing where Catherine is and knowing the God who took her as our Savior. I cannot imagine what the pain would be like if we did not have Him as our Refuge. Praise be to God!